30 Hours and Counting…

1 09 2007

I’ve been up for over 30 hours now.  I did take a nap–err–a 15-minute one.  Now I feel like I want to crash. 

I’m used to staying up for hours, even days.  But today’s different.  I had to finish a project that I never really want to do but it’s already paid for and greedy me didn’t want to return the money to the client. 

I am bound by nondisclosure agreements and even if the line between the validity and not of online contracts is a tad too thin, I don’t want to cross it.  Therefore, I have to stay mum while my principles are once again  being trampled upon over and over again, and mocked at by the waves that crash against the nearby shore.  It makes me think of John Regala in one of those low-budgeted flicks.  Think, rape scene with him practically salivating over his victim like the dog in Pavlov’s experiment.  LOL.  Talk about a girl’s wild fantasies!  LOL.  But no, on a more serious note, I really feel like I’ve been had but I didn’t want to say no even after I realized that I’ve been used to peddle wares that are not so clean after all.  But as a writer–a paid freelance writer at that–I make my own choices, and to become an effective and, well, better-paid content provider, I have to detach myself from my work lest I get drowned by my own ideology, ideals and idiosyncrasies.  I lost my conscience a long time ago but every now and then, I feel an iota of integrity swell up inside me.  Or maybe it’s just months of total (sexual?) inactivity.  Hmmm? 

Always read the fine print–or so I always tell myself.  But I still fall prey to unscrupulous buyers and clients.  And a Filipino client at that!  Jeez.  But I finished it all and he said he was satisfied with my work.  Sated? Tsk.

Off to bed.

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