On Singlehood and Aging

27 09 2007

I am 27 years old. 

Single. 

Unattached. 

Female. 

Happy?  Getting there. 

Getting married?  No. 

Batang Buotan started the whole talk about getting hitched.  Now I’m thinking about the whole getting married rush that somehow resembles that of Christmas shopping. 

It started early the other day (um, noontime in most people’s world), when I remembered that my cousin passed the nursing licensure exam and I haven’t even bothered to congratulate him.  Since we don’t really exchange messages, I texted his mom, who, when I was in college, acted like my other cool mom.  I congratulated her–remember the TV ad that says, “dahil napalaki akong mabuti, dapat daw pong kilalanin kung sinong nanay ko!” sensya nag di sakto. 

Me: Mommy, ngayon lang po ako nakapag-text, sowee.  Congrats po, may nurse na kayo.  One down!  Hehe.

Mommy: Tnx, anak!  Yep, LA made it!  Nw binubuno nman revw NCLEX, hirap dw! Nov nxt yr, owen nman, civ. engg.  Eldest imee grad na?  Sbay kc cla LA ngcolege.

Me: Di pa po.  He transferred po kasi from UP to San Carlos then shifted pa from Bio to ECE, which is a 5-year course.  His younger sis po malamang sa March ga-graduate.  Nurse din po.  Kaya po yan ni LA, I’m sure.

Mommy: Ah ok.  Eh u ok klang? Wen kasal mo? Atend ako! hehehe

Me: La pa rin po akong naloko, mommy, after that stormy stormy 5-year thingie that I got out of.  Besides, I’m holed up in my room 24/7.  Si Mama lang palagi kong kausap.  I don’t go to their room that often eh kaya I don’t get to talk to Papa that much, although nag-gu-goodmorning ako from outside every time I wake up.  Hehe.  Chaka,  would you really recommend getting hitched?  Sus! Manonood na lang ako ng Startalk!  Hehe.

Mommy: Gud choice nt getting hitched just find right partner and loving loving only. Take care, love you.

Didn’t I say she’s cool?  She’s a general’s daughter who has seen a real toro in the 80s together with other St. Paul kolehiyalas.  Hehe.  I super love her. 

Anyways, I have always told my mother, since I was in high school, that I would never get married.  Three weddings happened at in succession sometime between 1992-1995 in the family.  There’s five of us.  Our eldest brother got married a hundred years ago before 1992.  So that leaves moi as the sole single member of the family.  I always tell my mom that I would never get married but live in sin for life. 

But you see, things don’t always go as planned.  People meet people.  Some of the people that we meet become our friends, some even become “more than friends” with us.  And when we get into relationships, we can’t help but think about the future.  My last boyfriend and I were headed there–or so I thought, no, that’s what he made me think even when we were first starting to profess love for each other (yuck!).  Five years and a few more months after, I finally realized that we were never going anywhere and the relationship was built on very weak foundations–fights, sex, alcohol and utter immorality.  I’m not a prude but my sensibilities do get offended every now and then.  And so I let go.  Well, I planned to.  I never realized that letting go of something that you have nurtured and gotten used to for half a decade is so hard.  They said that it takes at least two months for each year that you’re in a relationship to get over it when it’s over.  That gives me four more months.

It was not the wedding that I looked forward to, although I’d be lying if I’d say that I didn’t want to walk down the aisle in a fabulous white (or cream-colored) gown with a very long train.  But most importantly, I looked forward to “settling down” with my partner in a place that “we” own, and to buying things together, and perhaps starting a family together.  Gretchen Barreto said, “What she had was a wedding, but what I have with Tony is a marriage” in response to Lani Mercado‘s wish for her to “have a marriage” with Tonyboy Conjuangco in the height of their word war early this year.  The ceremony is not THAT important indeed.  While I’m not really for La Greta that time, I understood her. 

So there.  I’m not in a hurry and my relatives know better than to ask me about whos and whens.  My mom kids me about it but I never felt it was ever necessary to catch the train.  I can always walk, or wait for the next lifetime.  Even if it’ll take me over 10 years to get over my life-draining breakup, I’ll go through that.  And if somebody else comes along, and when I’m ready for a new relationship, I’ll make it sweeter the next time.  But never will I rush into getting married.  Annulment in this country is very expensive and if divorce gets adopted into the Family Law, I would not want to go through the ordeals of courtroom drama. 

One thing’s for sure, I will never get wed for the wrong reasons–financial, emotional, psychological, social, moral.  I will get married when I feel that I am ready–financially, emotionally, psychologically, socially, morally.  As a woman, I remember what Uma Thurman said in Oprah, when she talked about her painful separation with Ethan Hawke.  She said that women must be financially stable and independent because the hardest part about being in a relationship is when you can’t let go because you won’t know if you’ll be able to support yourself.  Much as I’d love to marry MONEY, I don’t want to be left wanting when it’s all gone and washed away. 

But well, as my aunt pointed out, I’ll just find the right partner and loving loving only!

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9 responses

27 09 2007
girlfromdipolog

bitaw day… usahay bahalag saging gud basta labing labing.

By the way, I’d like to invite you for a singles party. My friend and her sisses (also maroons) are organizing one, maybe next month. It’s not yet final. More likely QC area. Aha man ka karon? The idea is to widen circles and who knows maybe you’ll meet your “the one” (ahem! lumba unya ta! hehehe). Or we’ll simply have fun. Di man ka ma-OP kay it’s a fundraising activity man, not so intimate I think, so malamang daghan tawo pwede ra makaikyas if you don’t like the crowd.

What ja say, huh?

27 09 2007
iamsorceress

haha, i might be there next month. to make my long overdue visit to UP to get my diploma, ya know how hard that is?! grrrrh. hehehe. for a bigtime university, pirte ka bureaucratic magpakuha ug diploma sa lain. oh well.

unsa nga sor na oi? basin ako nang mga ex-would-be-sisses ha! hehe.

i’m in ozamiz karon. qc area would be perfect. buhi pa ba ang ora cafe? i think it changed its name atong last few months nako didto.

i miss CK sa bahay ng alumni. my love affair with carrot cake started there! hehe.

di house party with lots of empty rooms upstairs nga singles party? hahahaha!

27 09 2007
girlfromdipolog

hahaha, bogay man ka day oi. tudlui ko! 🙂 share your tips…. carrot cake girl diay ka? lami sad ilang chili prawns. mahal lang oi!

it’s not a soro affair, 1st raket lang of their event-organizing biz so they could rob us money… hehehe 🙂 i dunno lang where kay in the works pa siya. i’ll keep you posted in case it will work with your sked.

good luck sa diploma!

sha

27 09 2007
iamsorceress

thank you gyud, i think i need good luck badly gyud. ka-imagine na ko ug something like soc.sci 2 enlisting! hehehe.

ah chige chige. keep me posted.

i remember a comment made by one hum 1 teacher (very old but i feel older for forgetting her name). she said up products are known for their promiscuity kuno but people don’t know that part of academic freedom is sexual liberation, not necessarily promiscuity. hehehehe. char.

29 09 2007
Nep

Mga girl ra man ning mi-comment…hahaha “girltalk” basta moapil na lang ko puslan man nga nakalaag ko dinhi…

29 09 2007
iamsorceress

hahaha, k ra na bai Nep! Naks, feeling close. Hehe. Bitaw, thanks for dropping by. Don’t be too sure nga puros mi girls oi! Hahahaha. Joke.

1 10 2007
batang buotan

may i join you girls? hehehe..

1 10 2007
iamsorceress

ali dong, lingkod. tapad mong Nep. Hehe.

18 08 2008
Allarn Farkin Restauro

fark Ged, idol gyud tika Ged. Balik na pud ta A&M Ged, share room, watch ko CABLE while your half naked. hahahahahaha!! (no loving loving of course) hahahahaaha!

Panghugas sa dude! Ang cabinet ha, i-uli nya ang door ato. Hehe. —iamsorceress

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