I don’t like kids.
I love my nieces and nephews–all eight of them. But I am not one of those people (especially females) who coo over babies when they see them or think the little girl, barely one year old, who’s wearing a gartered headband is cute. (Have pity on the infant, you people! It may look nice and attractive to you but I’m sure the li’l girl doesn’t appreciate the discomfort! Regardless of how “loose” you claim it to be!)I don’t rush to whoever is carrying the baby so I could also carry IT! I remember taking care of my nieces and some of my nephews. It was never fun to carry them for such a long time. It pulls muscles but I love them since they’re family.
I want to have a baby. Sooooo badly. I had my chance, twice. But it just never happened. My uterus is retroverted and my ovaries are polycystic. The downside? It’s so hard to impregnate me. The upside? I get to have fun without worrying about getting preggy. But of course when the right time comes, whenever that is, I want to have a baby, with or without a husband. It’s unfair to the kid, I know, but why force it if I can’t be a good wife in the eyes of my child. I know I’ll be a good mother. I’m not worried in that department. But to be a good wife? That depends.
Going back to kids…if I have a choice, I don’t want to be around them. But for some reason, kids are drawn to ME! In airport terminals, in ships, in buses, in shopping malls, in restos—everywhere! I used to be super fat and one time, we were in KFC in SM City Cebu and a kid kept on smiling at me! It was getting so weird because I didn’t even notice him until my then boyfriend told me. I glared at the kid and he looked away. He was about 5 years old. The type who could already tell his mom that the lady in the other table glared at him. But he clammed up and looked at me again. No, stared is the word. My then boyfriend teased me that he must’ve thought that I’m a mascot. NOT funny because it was starting to freak me out. Good thing they had to leave ahead of us. That’s one of the reasons why I plunged into weight reduction desperate measures. If only I had at least an ounce of desire to try drugs, I would have puffed the magic dragon 24/7 just to get the desired effect. But I’m not too sure about that either.
Now, I love money. So when I was still working a true-blue member of the uring manggagawa (working class), well, not really, I accepted all other gigs that came my way to earn some more. My first ever part-time job while having a full-time job was as a tutor. When the Koreans were still in the initial stages of their diaspora, I was one of those very lucky ones who was able to be a tutor to a Korean for P300 an hour. Yep boys and girls, twice as much as the running rate nowadays. And the good thing about that was that he wasn’t so young and since he was enrolled in one of the international schools in Cebu, he already knew how to at least express himself in broken English. His family mistook me for a Chinese because I do look like one. I had to quit after around three months because I can understand a few Korean phrases. I had Korean as a language elective back in UP and I didn’t like them talking bad about me in Korean even when I’m within earshot thinking that I couldn’t understand them. My tutee liked me and even planned to give his Samsung flip-phone to me. Yep, that happened around 5 years ago when Samsung phones were still really cool because only very few people had them and they brought back the flip mobile phones in style. So I quit. Told them I could understand them. Thing is, only the kid understood English really well and I didn’t want him to be the interpreter so I am not sure, even to this day, if they understood why I quit.
Next in line—an eight-year old Filipino-Chinese boy. He was the only boy in the brood of four and his sisters were in the honor roll in their respective classes. He was, um, chubby too and all he could think about then were Zoids and Yo-Gi-Oh. Everytime I taught him Math, I had to use Zoids and Yo-Gi-Oh in word problems. That worked for him.
He also kept a diary which was really funny because he’d let me read it. One time, I told him that if he finished his Math assignment in 15 minutes without mistakes, I’d let him watch Yo-Gi-Oh. We had a deal. And everyday, it was like that. If he finished something fast and accurately, I’d let him watch TV. One day, one of his sisters told their mom that D was made to stand in the quadrangle of their school for excessive talking. Hehehe. His mom, who didn’t like anything like that because it meant that the moms of the other kids in the school that they go to also know of the incident and they were her friends! So she stormed into the room while he was getting his treat (watching TV) and was asked to turn it off because he’s been a bad boy! D looked at me and said, Teacher Geda o! What was I to do? Hehehe. I talked to his mom and reminded her that that was our deal. The mom backed off and told D that she’ll deal with him when our session’s over. Hehe. That was really funny, and awkward.
Talk about awkward, my then boyfriend would send me a message at around the same time each day to tell me that he’s home or that he’ll eat dinner or something like that. D knew about it. And one time, he asked me, Teacher, do you also kiss with Tiger? (Err, I used to call my ex Tiger, and I was his Tigress :-p) So, since I never saw anything wrong with answering the question, I said yes. And then he asked—do you also have sex? I almost fell off my chair! And because I was caught off guard, I told him that it’s never polite to ask people that. Not only was it rude, he hadn’t finished his assignment yet. Case closed. But I know I blushed to my roots then. Sexual innuendos and jokes are funny when they’re exchanged between friends within the same age group, or at least with people over 18!
After two years, I quit. Because I moved to a company where I had to work nights. D was devastated. And I was too. I never thought I’d become so attached to a child who’s not related to me but I did.
My next “victim” was my landlady’s grandson. I left the corporate world then and was just starting to work home-based. So I was practically “home” the whole time. I actually offered and they were hesitant at first because 1) they knew I hate kids 2) they couldn’t afford me. But by then, I was already falling in love with teaching hard-to-teach kids. And so every afternoon, the kid would go up to my room and study with me. I taught him from writing to math to appreciation of books and good manners. Naks. While I’m not a paragon of virtue, I believe my parents brought me up really well. When we grow up, we make our own choices and so for the mistakes that I have made when I have been out here and there, I blame no one but myself. And so I’m proud of what I have done to A. He writes like a kolehiyala (sharp and pointed, ladies?) and has already read pop literature and a few of the classics. Oh, and he also asked me (more often) about sex. I did try my darnedest to make everything sound clinical. After all, the boy was under my “tutelage” for 2 years. Besides, the earlier kids know about it from people close to them, the better their understanding of it becomes. Less curiosity takes here and there, less population growth. LOL. My God! I remember one time when he asked me if Tiger was coming to town for Valentine’s Day. And I said, yes. And he said, oh, so you’re gonna have sex! I’ll just imagine the two of you doing it! His grandpa who was within earshot guffawed! So I lectured him again about blurting things out in public. Sigh. What a life. Too bad I had to leave.
I still don’t like kids. There are those that I warm up to after a while and I have accepted that regardless of how bitchy I can be, kids know better. Hehe. And yeah, I’m not that bad after all.
Now, as for making babies…I’ll think about that some other time.