I usually process things around me fast. I’m too self-aware for my own good. But it took me quite a while to just accept defeat.
I already lost her. And I could no longer get her back. Because she doesn’t want to be with me anymore. She’s convinced that she’s indeed better off without me. She’s too hurt to even care.
Can’t say I blame her. Our track record isn’t exactly immaculate. I’m definitely not one she’d want to get back with.
Despite myself, I want her back in my life. For a million and one reasons, I love her. But I have to let her go.
There was a time when I did many things to win her back. Begged her, sent her messages even when she ignored me, stayed with her even when all she said she could give was friendship until we got back together. But perhaps that wasn’t really what she needed. She’s a good person and she deserves someone better. Sadly, I’m not that person for her because she doesn’t find it in her to want to bring me back.
I saw a path with her and even when I didn’t know where it was headed, I took it anyway. But loving someone doesn’t mean suffocating that person with my love. Love is supposed to be given freely. She doesn’t want to give me the small things that I need and I couldn’t give her the small things that she needs. No one’s budging. So it’s time to just go.
I’m back to closing cycles.
I love you, M. My heart will forever sing songs of love for you. This is my last stop. Because no one will come close to you. You were and will always be my only exception.
Goodbye, ma belle fleur.