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10 08 2012

I’m not good enough.
I’m not patient enough.
I’m not loving enough.

That’s why I’ll never be loved with complete surrender.
I will never be crushed by the tightness of your embrace because you’re too scared to break bones.
I will never be pushed beyond my limits because you’re too scared to draw blood.

And this is after I have lain spread-eagle in front of you… naked and bursting with passion… with complete acquiescence.

It’s not about me.  So why am I so hurt?  Why do I feel short-changed?

Because you do not see me when you deal with yourself.  You see me as someone you seek refuge in and with.  But never as one with you.

It’s still not there.

And I can no longer wait.

Because somewhere out there, there could be another who would give all that she’s got and hasn’t for me.  And to her, I will dig deeper and find something to give back. After I’ve wrung myself dry for you, I will find it in me to find something else and more for the person who will go the distance for me.

Because that person deserves more.

I am greedy.

I am selfish.

I am impatient.

Because I’m willing to give more.

Because I’m willing to give myself up completely.

Because I’m willing to wait for what truly lies ahead.

I’m sorry you’re hurt.

I’m sorry you’re broken.

But you refuse to heal. And you refuse to see beyond the darkness in your past.

You refuse to just embrace life and love.

You want to remain in the bleakness of yesterday.

It’s painful.

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