i am life’s greatest paradox ever.
i am a non-conformist but i am a sucker for traditions.
i am a liberal with a conservative heart.
i am an advocate of equality but in time, i will submit to and be enslaved by the right king—or queen?
i am a fusion of the good, the bad and the ugly.
I can curse in more than 5 dialects and 5 languages.
I used to drink a lot.
I used to sleep around a lot too.
In my 29 summers, I can say I’ve been there, I’ve done that, I’ve been had… I’ve had.
I am the epitome of a woman who has lived her life to the fullest… well, almost. Coz I hate taking physical risks.
I look like I’m some toughie, like the bitch who can drive your emotions to the edge and make you cry bucketsful of tears.
I also cry at the slightest provocation… like sad movies and sappy love songs and heartwarming stories and pictures.
I am a closet romantic.
I detest damsels in distress. I am a woman in a rusty armor. Thing is, I spend unthinkable hours devouring romance novels and dream that someday my prince (or princess, doh!) will come and that we’ll live happily ever after. God! I wish for happy endings.
I am full of contradictions. But then again, so is life.
…because she refuses to sleep
I must admit, I can be downright brutal to people who, in my opinion, deserve some serious tongue-lashing. I’d rather be called a bitch than a sweet, nice lady who will only to stab you from behind. If I don’t like you, I don’t like you. If I made a mistake at judging you based on first impressions, I apologize. I’m just like that. Straightforward, and sometimes, disrespecting.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not belligerent. I don’t growl at people for merely talking to me or for approaching me for anything at all. Diplomacy is something that runs in my veins. But when I feel like I am being taken advantage of, I back down a little and show my fangs. If that don’t get to you, I stare down—watch Grey’s Anatomy. Dr. Bailey taught Callie how to stare people down. Hehehe. —and hope against hope that you do what’s best for you and back off. Not the ZTE deal back off thing but the real deal. I can be super patient and tolerant but I don’t like reaching a point where I boil. I have undergone anger management on my own. Because I have a long history of throwing and breaking things—NOT good. I threw a mug at someone in Kalayaan, that dorm for freshies in UP, over something that I held in for so long. The mug was beyond repair and so was the friendship that I had with that girl. It landed by the way, a few inches behind where she used to stand barely a few seconds before it shattered. She could have been hit right in her face. Good for her. Good for me. I don’t know what I would have done if I broke someone’s face over something that I could have told her right to her face a long time ago anyway. Partly my fault.
So since then, I have made it a point to vent out every time I feel bad or happy about something. My sister told me I have the makings of a psychotic so I don’t want to go crazy over small stuff. Hehehe. But seriously, I try my darnedest never to reach the physical part. So now, when I am pissed off, I am really pissed off. I get upset over little things and if you’re around me, you’ll think that it’s something so earthshaking but it’s just the way that the utensils are washed or the way the furniture is arranged. My day gets ruined over small things. So I either wash the utensils again myself or rearrange the furniture until everything looks right. I stomp and I sulk but that’s about it, really. But once I have vented out, I feel better, if not totally ok. I won’t say I’m ok when I am not. Thing is, I don’t want to go back to the same issues over and over again. In relationships—and I mean this in general—you fight over issues that you never talk about when you’re all cooled down. You just make up as if nothing happened. Somebody apologizes for the sake of saying sorry and things go back to normal. So when circumstances trigger a sensitive issue, you get back to fighting even if it’s been fought over over and over again for over a decade. I don’t like that. It burns bridges and it severs ties.
I’m no longer confrontational. So when something bothers me, I talk it out. I am not one to say, hey, did you say this or that. I just tell whoever is concerned that, hey, I don’t like being told this and that. I don’t ask. I just tell whoever is concerned that I am not pleased. It’s up to her or him if he/she wants to test my patience. I count in threes. After that, I just go. If it’s worth my time, I show anger. If it’s important to me, I show unbridled wrath. If it doesn’t matter, I just leave.
I’m not really sure what my point is. I just wanted to talk about myself for now. LOL. So? Shoot me!