Best Fit—Not!

2 08 2014

~ I’ve always looked at challenges as opportunities to learn but I also understand and acknowledge that some things simply suit others better than they do me.



11 09 2013

It was one lazy evening spent drinking with friends.  TV was just playing in the background.   All of a sudden, CNN flashed some breaking news about one airplane crashing into one of the World Trade Center towers. And then another one crashed into the other tower.  Whatever degree of drunkenness I had that evening dissipated as I sat down transfixed on the TV.

Devastated was an understatement of how I felt.

2,996 deaths.

Have we become so enamored with power that we could easily kill another just to keep it?  Can we no longer take not being agreed with? Have we become so desensitized that another person’s life to us no longer carries as much value?

It’s been 12 years today but we are in no way closer to achieving peace than we were back then.  I am not in the US but remembering the events that unfolded from that day on still breaks my heart.  I am in the Philippines where war has lost its novelty.  I hail from the south where bombs explode and it only makes the local news.  It is sad that our wars are mostly internal.  Today, people in Zamboanga City fear for tomorrow.  At any given time,  someone could die and it could them. For what? Brothers fighting brothers for reasons all feudal but dressed differently.  Does it justify anything?


As nothing makes sense to me and as hope changed its name to chance, I can only whisper a prayer to my God.  Let there be peace on Earth.  And let it indeed begin with me.


13 03 2012

This Italian word became a global byword because of the movie Eat, Pray, Love.  In English, it means “cross over” or “Let’s cross over”.

In our lives, sometimes we just have to move forward and embrace new beginnings.  Every day, something beautiful bursts forth. But we keep holding on to the past.

The term—well, its English counterpart—is also used to refer to ghosts who supposedly do not go into the next dimensions (depending on their religion, I reckon. :P) because of unfinished business here on earth.  So they don’t “cross over” yet.

I’m at the stage where I want to pass through.  But a huge part of me just wishes a huge and important part of my past crosses over with me.

If only throwing away the baggage of pride and misplaced tenacity is also that easy, the world would have been a better place. *sigh*

Four Hours

28 03 2011

I watched the minutes pass by.

I felt every squeeze and slice.

I heard every spatter.

My heart was in bits just like that.

But I know I had it coming. I waited because I knew that sooner or later, she would just give up.

Not because she no longer loves me.

Not because she doesn’t want to be with me.

Because until now, she’s scared: of love, of life, of me.

I am a pain in the ass.

But then again, we already know that.

Despite such, I’ve made a conscious effort to tone the PITAness down. For her.

I’ve never really made such effort for anybody else. Just for her.

Because in life, we find people to love and people who love us back. They make us happy and we make them happy. But rarely do we find that one person who make us realize that fairy tales were inspired by real life stories and that while getting there would cost an arm and a leg and then some, happy endings MAY come true.

And she’s that. My one great love.

And I lost her.

So yeah… it’s been four hours now and the tears continue to flow.

The Rainy Day

27 12 2009

THE day is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains,and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary.

My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains,and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.

Be still, sad heart, and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

—Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

And for some reason, this captures my feelings today… amidst all the excitement… I am sad.

I tried cleaning up my phone’s inbox today and August 13, 2009 stared back at me—Papa’s third day in the ICU. I read every single message that followed… sent and received. It had me sending detailed updates to my sister in the US, complete with Papa’s lab results, latest vital stats and the last doctor’s orders. It also had generic messages that I sent to my other brothers and sister, and to my Papa’s siblings and relatives. It was like reliving each moment. And just like that, tears flowed like there’s no tomorrow.

Needless to say, I wasn’t able to finish what I was supposed to do, I wanted to keep them. Maybe I’m just masochistic that way but I wanted to hold on to the messages.

I think I’ll go to bed…

in retrospect…

17 12 2009

I haven’t blogged any for months. Perhaps I should have. It might’ve eased some of the stress that I have had to bear. But offline real life has gotten the better of me. So just to keep you up to date—we moved, my dad died, I fell in and out of love, we moved again. One of these days, I’ll give details. For now, this will be just another placeholder. 😉

Oh, and did I mention that I got hooked on Mafia Wars on Facebook? Seriously! Jeeez.


Bon Voyage, Kiko Part Deux

11 03 2009

Earlier today, Francis “Kiko” Magalona’s remains were cremated.  He is getting recognition here and there—now that he’s gone.  Too late, huh?  I’ve always followed the man’s life in awe.  I’ve been reading his blog and I’ve been telling my mom about his brilliantly designed shirts and about how cute his kids are, especially Arkin who has played young Dingdong Dantes in Dyesebel and Ang Babaeng Hinugot sa Aking Tadyang, and how amazing it is that people don’t even know that their first two kids are not biologically his but Pia’s alone because Kiko never treated them differently and how nationalistic and patriotic he has been.   And now, he’s gone.  Now, people are also reading his blog.  People are now wearing his shirt.  People now know that he has eight kids. He is also getting awards for his nationalism and love of country.  Más vale tarde que nunca.

In these cold summer nights, I offer you these three songs:

Three Stars And A Sun
Three stars and a sun, in one sky, so high,
I live and die and die will I for my
Motherland this is the land of my birth,
No purse is worth the price of this earth
Can we rise, can we all, hell no!,
Or should we all just take the fall?
Bless the man if his heart and his land are one
…3 stars & a sun!
3 stars & a sun! I’m ready to defend the 3 stars & a sun!
Omission to a mission, transport for the brain,
Packed w/ stacks of tracks built for a train,
I eat lead, but I never let it be said,
“He said, she said,” it makes me see red
‘Cuz I don’t take bullshit & I’m ‘a pack it and push it,
And hit you w/ the full clip
Switch to mode lock-‘n’-load in the land of Juan
…the 3 stars & a sun!
3 stars & a sun! I’m ready to defend the 3 stars & a sun!
Bahay kubo kahit munti, may pula,
Bughaw, dilaw, atsaka puti
There is a need to sow the seed,
Toil the soil and plod until your hands bleed
‘Cuz this land is sacred,
Many a battle have been fought with hatred
Don’t tell me that you understand,
It’s been 4 hundred years of tears
For the brown man,
Still and all the fight has just begun
…3 stars & a sun!
3 stars & a sun! I’m ready to defend the 3 stars & a sun!

Kaleidoscope World
So many faces, so many races
Different voices, different choices
Some are mad, while others laugh
Some live alone with no better half
Others grieve while others curse
And others mourn behind a big black hearse
Some are pure and some half-bred
Some are sober and some are wasted
Some are rich because of fate and
Some are poor with no food on their plate
Some stand out while others blend
Some are fat and stout while some are thin
Some are friends and some are foes
Some have some while some have most
Every color and every hue
Is represented by me and you
Take a slide in the slope
Take a look in the kaleidoscope
Spinnin’ round, make it twirl
In this kaleidoscope world
Some are great and some are few
Others lie while some tell the truth
Some say poems and some do sing
Others sing through their guitar strings
Some know it all while some act dumb
Let the bassline strum to the bang of the drum
Some can swim while some will sink
And some will find their minds and think
Others walk while others run
You can’t talk peace and have a gun
Some are hurt and start to cry
Don’t ask me how don’t ask me why
Some are friends and some are foes
Some have some while some have most
Every color and every hue
Is represented by me and you
Take a slide in the slope
Take a look in the kaleidoscope
Spinnin’ round, make it twirl
In this kaleidoscope world

Cold Summer Nights
I keep on blaming my self
I should have eaten my pride
how can i convince you
its just a matter of time

many times i’ve hurt you
with my foolish ways oh girl
now i know i have to pay the price

is there a way for u to turn around,
turn around and come back baby
ohh baby cant u see

its been cold summer nights since we drifted apart
cold summer nights since you walked out that door
cold summer nights here on my own
coz i miss you baby, i need you here

cold summer nights girl, i really miss you
you rocked my world
i wanna touch you and kiss you
its my fault
i never called you at home
i’m on the phone, wishing you could call
i’m all alone
is there a way for you to turn around and
come back to me
i hope you understand
that i’m your man and together we can
kiss and make up
‘coz you know i cant stand

Repeat Chorus