I am 27 years old.
Happy? Getting there.
Getting married? No.
Batang Buotan started the whole talk about getting hitched. Now I’m thinking about the whole getting married rush that somehow resembles that of Christmas shopping.
It started early the other day (um, noontime in most people’s world), when I remembered that my cousin passed the nursing licensure exam and I haven’t even bothered to congratulate him. Since we don’t really exchange messages, I texted his mom, who, when I was in college, acted like my other cool mom. I congratulated her–remember the TV ad that says, “dahil napalaki akong mabuti, dapat daw pong kilalanin kung sinong nanay ko!” sensya nag di sakto.
Me: Mommy, ngayon lang po ako nakapag-text, sowee. Congrats po, may nurse na kayo. One down! Hehe.
Mommy: Tnx, anak! Yep, LA made it! Nw binubuno nman revw NCLEX, hirap dw! Nov nxt yr, owen nman, civ. engg. Eldest imee grad na? Sbay kc cla LA ngcolege.
Me: Di pa po. He transferred po kasi from UP to San Carlos then shifted pa from Bio to ECE, which is a 5-year course. His younger sis po malamang sa March ga-graduate. Nurse din po. Kaya po yan ni LA, I’m sure.
Mommy: Ah ok. Eh u ok klang? Wen kasal mo? Atend ako! hehehe
Me: La pa rin po akong naloko, mommy, after that stormy stormy 5-year thingie that I got out of. Besides, I’m holed up in my room 24/7. Si Mama lang palagi kong kausap. I don’t go to their room that often eh kaya I don’t get to talk to Papa that much, although nag-gu-goodmorning ako from outside every time I wake up. Hehe. Chaka, would you really recommend getting hitched? Sus! Manonood na lang ako ng Startalk! Hehe.
Mommy: Gud choice nt getting hitched just find right partner and loving loving only. Take care, love you.
Didn’t I say she’s cool? She’s a general’s daughter who has seen a real toro in the 80s together with other St. Paul kolehiyalas. Hehe. I super love her.
Anyways, I have always told my mother, since I was in high school, that I would never get married. Three weddings happened at in succession sometime between 1992-1995 in the family. There’s five of us. Our eldest brother got married a hundred years ago before 1992. So that leaves moi as the sole single member of the family. I always tell my mom that I would never get married but live in sin for life.
But you see, things don’t always go as planned. People meet people. Some of the people that we meet become our friends, some even become “more than friends” with us. And when we get into relationships, we can’t help but think about the future. My last boyfriend and I were headed there–or so I thought, no, that’s what he made me think even when we were first starting to profess love for each other (yuck!). Five years and a few more months after, I finally realized that we were never going anywhere and the relationship was built on very weak foundations–fights, sex, alcohol and utter immorality. I’m not a prude but my sensibilities do get offended every now and then. And so I let go. Well, I planned to. I never realized that letting go of something that you have nurtured and gotten used to for half a decade is so hard. They said that it takes at least two months for each year that you’re in a relationship to get over it when it’s over. That gives me four more months.
It was not the wedding that I looked forward to, although I’d be lying if I’d say that I didn’t want to walk down the aisle in a fabulous white (or cream-colored) gown with a very long train. But most importantly, I looked forward to “settling down” with my partner in a place that “we” own, and to buying things together, and perhaps starting a family together. Gretchen Barreto said, “What she had was a wedding, but what I have with Tony is a marriage” in response to Lani Mercado‘s wish for her to “have a marriage” with Tonyboy Conjuangco in the height of their word war early this year. The ceremony is not THAT important indeed. While I’m not really for La Greta that time, I understood her.
So there. I’m not in a hurry and my relatives know better than to ask me about whos and whens. My mom kids me about it but I never felt it was ever necessary to catch the train. I can always walk, or wait for the next lifetime. Even if it’ll take me over 10 years to get over my life-draining breakup, I’ll go through that. And if somebody else comes along, and when I’m ready for a new relationship, I’ll make it sweeter the next time. But never will I rush into getting married. Annulment in this country is very expensive and if divorce gets adopted into the Family Law, I would not want to go through the ordeals of courtroom drama.
One thing’s for sure, I will never get wed for the wrong reasons–financial, emotional, psychological, social, moral. I will get married when I feel that I am ready–financially, emotionally, psychologically, socially, morally. As a woman, I remember what Uma Thurman said in Oprah, when she talked about her painful separation with Ethan Hawke. She said that women must be financially stable and independent because the hardest part about being in a relationship is when you can’t let go because you won’t know if you’ll be able to support yourself. Much as I’d love to marry MONEY, I don’t want to be left wanting when it’s all gone and washed away.
But well, as my aunt pointed out, I’ll just find the right partner and loving loving only!